Moonshine

There is a small, violent man living in the upstairs apartment. He likes to pace back and forth, between the kitchen and the hallway closet. He coughs loudly on every third step. Sometimes, when it's really quiet, I manage to hear him whispering under his breath and say little things that make my belly rumble.

I know he is a violent man because just last week, I heard him yell at his meatballs for losing their shape in the pan. "I don't want no meatcubes!" he screamed as he threw the pan and the sizzling "meatcubes" out the window, giving Lopez, the janitor, third degree burns and a concussion. He didn't deserve that, but taking into consideration Lopez was a boxer, he's had his share of concussions. And he is no looker either, so no harm done really. He also beat up his next door neighbor with her cat a couple of weeks ago, but, she was asking for it, and don't get me started about the cat.

If I stand on my breakfast table and move the light fixture ever so slightly, I have a perfect view of the kitchen and the hallway. I can see him in his anger writing little blackmail notes or erasing the signature on a stolen credit card. I have a perfect view of his dilated black eyes staring blankly at his empty refrigerator deciding whether he wants orange juice or a jar of moonshine for breakfast.

A while ago, when he left his apartment one day to do some more violent things in the world, I drilled a little hole above my bed to get a better look at the other rooms. I discovered that he sleeps on a soiled mattress in the back room and has a large collection of Mad Magazine. He sleeps in the nude and he twitches his nose while he sleeps. An hour or so after he passes out, there’s a barrage of cussing and rambling punctuated by a loud scream: “Porker!” and then silence.

Unfortunately, when drilling into his bathroom floor, I ended up under his bathroom cabinet so I don’t have a good view, but the smell, oh the smell, manages to filter into my apartment. I will try again when he leaves for work tomorrow at 9 am.

He is a violent little man and I love him.